Relaxing Reads
A good book is great for stress ... So I walk down to Mr B's to seek tranquillity in their Bibliotherapy Room, an upstairs drawing room painted sage green. As well as bookcases full of recommended reads and themed selections, there are two wingback armchairs set before a woodburning stove. He and bookseller Kate offer to give me a taster of their 'Reading Spa' treatment (advance booking advised). First, brainy and gently spoken English grad Kate sits me down in one of the armchairs, sorts me out with a mug of tea and quizzes me about my reading habits - likes, dislikes and so on - then leaves me with two instant recommendations whilst she goes off in search of some more. I'm happily six pages into Steve Toltz's 'A Fraction Of The Whole' when she returns with eight paperbacks, and it's spooky - Derren Brown spooky - how accurately she has 'read' me. Each book she introduces sounds so up my street it's hammering on my front door. If this was a full 'Reading Spa' treatment, I'd now take them into the little 'Reading Booth' in the corner - a lockable, confession-box-sized nook with comfy chair, coffee and biscuits and an iPod. I'd also get to keep most of them as part of the fee - along with a generously-stuffed goody bag.
- Anna Britten tried different relaxation techniques for a week. She went to Mr B's Emporium Of Reading Delights in Bath on the Wednesday. See http://www.mrbsemporium.com
Pinhole Fame
"I never thought that I'd get to see Australia or California through pinhole photography. I'm doing a load of festivals this summer, giving out pinhole cameras. I've just had WOMAD on the phone saying, 'Come on down!' Pinhole photography is kicking butt right down because digital photography has reached a point of boredom since it's so predictable. If you know what's going to happen in life, what's the point? You might as well become maggot fodder tomorrow. Whereas with pinhole photography you never know what's going to happen, so it's much more exciting."
- Rachel Weisz's character in newly released 'The Brothers Bloom' is obsessed with pinhole photography, which is how come Bristol's legendary pinhole photographer Justin Quinnell was whisked off to Hollywood for a month of consulting and holidaying.
Teenage Thicks
Overheard on a 48 bus last week:
Pregnant teen 1: "You gonna give up smokin' then?"
Pregnant teen 2: "No. I was gonna, but then my doctor said if I carry on it'll make the baby stunted." (Pronounced "stunn'id")
Pregnant teen 1: "What's stunn'id?"
Pregnant teen 2: "It means it comes out smaller. I reckon that'll hurt less, so I'm gonna smoke more."
Pregnant 1: "Oh right, yeah. I wish I had your doctor an' all. Mine just gave me a really hard time about it."
Pregnant teen 2: "What a twat."
Preganant teen 1: "Yeah, innit."
- From this week's letters page
Jokes
It's too early to tell jokes about Iceland and the volcano - we should wait until the dust settles.
Forget Al Quaida. You mess with Iceland, we shut down ALL your airports.
When Iceland's economy died, its last wish was to have its ashes spread all over Europe.
Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it!
"Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup."
"I know, it's a no-fly zone."
(Sponsored jokes courtesy of Studio 7 Music Repairs, Bristol. See http://www.studio7musicrepairs.com)
An Australian man is visiting New Zealand and decides to take a tramp in the boonies. Suddenly he comes across a Kiwi bloke having sex with a sheep.
He watches in amazement as the man finishes off and then sends the ewe running off with a playful slap on its rear.
Outraged, he cries "Strewth mate! In Australia where I come from, sheep are for shearing!"
The Kiwi replies "Well this is New Zealand mate, and you can find your own".
(Thanks Michael)
A young man got a job with a supermarket. He reported for his first day of work and the manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"Sweep out the store?" he inquired, incredulous. "But I'm a graduate! I have a First in Media Studies!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the sweeping-brush and I'll show you how to do it."
(Thanks Jools, you win this week's star prize. Mail us a postal address and we'll sort you some books or CDs)
Please send us jokes. Best one each week wins some stuff. OR you can send us a joke on behalf of your firm, club or religious cult, and we'll tell everyone your web address. So don't delay - email editor@venue.co.uk and see if it finds our inbox's G-Spot.
For all the Venue spam jokes ever click here
Websites
The Wakefield/MMR business cartoonified. http://tallguywrites.livejournal.com
Highbrow cheesecake for ladies and gays. http://hotguysreadingbooks.tumblr.com
Optical illusion. http://www.msf-usa.org/motion.html
Gorgeous time-lapse pics of the Icelandic volcano. Watch on full screen. http://virneo.com/11673745
How to shoot an anvil 20 feet into the air http://kottke.org/09/10/how-to-shoot-an-anvil-200-feet-into-the-air
Competitions
Win stuff!
The biggest independent fashion, dance and music event in Europe, The Hobbs Show: Born & Raised In Bristol returns in spectacular fashion on Sat 19 June. Taking over the Colston Hall, it will feature catwalk shows of the latest looks from leading West Country designers and high street names, as well live entertainment from musicians Beth Rowley and Jay Wilcox, and dance groups The Floor Technicians and The Movement Collective. All proceeds go to Meningitis UK. We have three pairs of of VIP tickets (worth £130 per pair, and giving you entry to the event, plus champagne and canapés) for some lucky winners.
We also have a pair of tickets for adventure sports fest BeachBreak Live (www.beachbreaklive.com) AAANNNNDDDD we have Glastonbury Fest tickets as well.
Wanna win any/all of this good, good stuff? Then buy this week's Venue.
Severn Bore
I'm really looking forward to the World Cup. The tension, the butterflies-in-the-stomach hope that it'll all come good...
The prospect of every fat idiot of a white van man who's ever cut you up, tailgated you, flipped you the finger or nearly run you off your bike crying bitter tears is truly beautiful.
But wait a minute... What's this? The weekend before last, a lot of Bristolians were moved by the success of Blackpool FC and their promotion to the Premiership. It's a story with a glorious, fairytale jumpers-for-goalposts quality that pre-dates Sky TV, millionaire proprietors with mysterious pasts and players earning more in a month than some supporters do in a lifetime.
Blackpool's triumph is thanks to hard work, less money than most clubs and manager Ian 'Ollie' Holloway, former Bristol Rovers player and living legend off the field. Ask the internet for some Holloway quotes or buy yourself a copy of the locally published 'Let's Have Coffee: The Tao of Ian Holloway'.
He was perfectly sensible after this game, though: "These boys will be immortal now, people will be talking about them in 40 years," he said. "That is all I wanted."
Holloway is a true-blue Bristolian, working-class background (his mum still lives in the council house he grew up in). He married his childhood sweetheart, he's devoted to his kids, does lots of work for charity. He is a diamond geezer, an inspirational leader, and if he was the boss of me, I would gladly follow him into the mouth of Hell itself.
Wonder if he'd be interested in the elected mayor of Bristol job, if it were to arise?
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